2nd Appointment

4 weeks went by quick. Andy had decided to go to all of the appointments he could, with the chance of hearing the baby's heartbeat. The appointment seemed to be going well and since we should be far along  the Dr. tried to hear the baby's heart beat on the Doppler. She searched around which seemed like an eternity and after about five minutes of nothing and only my lonely heartbeat. I started to cry. Andy just kept looking at me and saying " It's going to be fine" and at that point I thought we had lost the baby. I just kept praying over and over. Please Lord Let me hear my baby's heart beat and please give me the opportunity to be a mother. I knew trusting in him would be the only way I'd be able to get through this. The Dr. said sometimes it hard to find the heartbeat and said she wouldn't send us home all upset and unknowing of the life of our child. She said she'd send  us to ultrasound again. After she left the room I fell apart. I hugged and held on to Andy  I didn't want to leave the exam room and go to the ultrasound for the fear of not hearing and seeing our baby again.

Just waiting to go to ultrasound was overwhelming. We got in there and I laid down. I was terrified.I just continued to pray. As soon as the ultrasound tech brought up the picture and baby she said "I already see the heart beating'. And she confirmed the baby's heart was beating and at a good pace. We were excited again.
It was such a relief but a roller coaster of emotions. We left the Dr. office and I got into the car and started crying again but this time praising God I still had a chance at being a mother.


The next morning:


I went to work as normal, but around 9 a.m. I got a call from our Dr. She said she had reviewed our ultrasound photos and thought something looked abnormal with the baby's neck .Which could be a sign of Down Syndrome and other Chromosome Defects. She said she would like to send me to a specialist to see what was going on. I got off the phone and called Andy right away. It was like all of those feelings the day before had come back. I talked with him for a while and he calmed me down and again said everything will be fine. We both agreed If this is what God has planned for us, we could handle it. I also called my mom and told her the news. Our specialist appointment wasn't scheduled for another 2 weeks. Over that 2 weeks I went though a roller coaster of emotions but all the while trusted in the Lord. I remember the hardest thing for me to hear . My friend Grant said" Think about it - You and Andy are strong, healthy, young people why wouldn't God think you could handle a special child. This child could have been given to another family that may not able to support it or take care of it." I agreed and knew this was true, but inside I was still sad  of all the unknown.